Keeping This Wet

So much of what I do is stifled by myself. I tend to get frustrated with my current state of quality so much so that I stop all together for a few days. Feeling sad at the idea that I’m not as good as I want to be, but there’s only one one way to get there. I have to put in the sizable amount of effort everyday for long enough to reach that point. It can seem hopeless sometimes especially when you’re as self critical ax I am. That’s why I’m making a promise to myself to now blog every show or game I consume. This may sound like a bit much but hear me out. I spend long periods of doing absolutely nothing. Laying around watching YouTube videos mostly (I don’t consider School a goal). This state of both mediocrity and unrest is unsettling and depressing. I want to be making new things, but I don’t out of fear of quality thus bring down my motivation.

If I can get some amount of quality everyday out of what I watch I’d more motivated to do more things. This has became ever apparent with my latest script. Through my time writing I was literally smiling through it, as I entered a state of total immersion, writing jokes that MADE ME LAUGH. It was a change in tone. It was a fun time. Through this experience I’ve once again realized how much enjoyment I get out of it, but that enjoyment is blocked by ME. I sit around all day and not write, I don’t get into the mood, and I don’t hard enough. It’s my fault and no one else’s. It’s not the weather in my room, it’s not me being depressed, it’s all on me. My laziness. All I gotta do is get the fuck to work.

Now you may be wondering, how can I analyze just everything (especially with my terrible analysis skills)? Well, most of what I’ve been consuming is obscure stuff no one talks about or stuff I know I have ideas and feelings about. Instead of consuming just any random thing that doesn’t even resonate with me, I’m constantly getting new ideas from this Art. When I consume it that is…….

Yeah, I’ve been in that state where “watch something oh I can’t be bothered”. I attribute this to lack of self actualization or motivation. Along with well…. laziness.I want 2017 to be my most productive and improvement filled year. I’m trying to plant the seeds for that. To get out of a habit is hard, and I know it takes time. I’m willing to put forth the effort to get out of this swamp of laziness because I care about this.

My entire life I’ve had an awful work ethic and general disdain for doing other stuff for a long while. I’d always start new projects to no avail. First issue of the comic would be done, and I’d never pursue the rest. I always have ideas and a wanting to do what I was told, but I didn’t because I never had any emphasis on work by my parents. That may sound a bit ostentatious but hear me out. Most of what we’re made of and who we are we attribute to our upbringing. It shapes us, gives us an idea of what values we’ll take up, and our view is forever slanted by what we experienced. It’s not as simple as “I would told this” other factors way in as well. What was my psychology? Did the parents even know how to be parents? What was the house like? How did they handle things? These factors are important in who you become especially at a young age. I was told to do things but it wasn’t enforced, and if they tried to enforce it whatever way the new how it made things worse. Everyone is different and we need to account for that.

Getting past that old mindset of simply not doing any work is integral to where I go in the World. Will I live a parasitic life getting fired from place to place while living on the Street? Or will I prevail onward and garner success doing a Job I actually care about, eventually receiving true fulfillment and self actualization. Breaking those old habits is not easy even when I’m trying to reach a positive goal because the mindset is drilled into my head. The fact that I want to change is good thing. I\However, it may be enough. This is why I’m finding ways to get myself past these obstacles I seem to be predisposed to.

Changes in writing style always help me get into doing more projects. As you can see on my Blog, a lot of what I write is in a straight forward and to the point style in very simple terms. No complex ways of putting the idea or changes in delivery. All very formulaic ways of writing. I hate writing like this. It’s more fun to experiment with multiple styles rather then sit with one to which I’ve found ways to reconcile this issue.

I’ve wanted to do simulblogs for a little while now. Whenever a new episode of Anime comes out I could blog it. Or similarly do an Analysis of every first episode that comes out each season. Whenever Spongebob comes back I definitely wanna review those as they come out similar to what Digibro was doing with his Brony videos. Other currently airing cartoons are also great contenders. It’ll put my script writing to the test but should be very fun since I get to experiment with different styles based on such a wide variety of shows.

More comedy and joke based writing (probably geared to video) is one of the most incising things I can do. I love comedy videos as i love to laugh and feel great emotions. Lately my humor has became much more defined. Instead of not knowing what’ll make me laugh and trying everything only to feel guilty I didn’t laugh, I know what to look for. This has helped me in the realm of comedy. Also me stopping that whole “I’m analytical and can’t take a joke phase” I had when younger helps too.

To reiterate, it still is very frustrating to know my writing isn’t good. All my favorite writers started out bad thus if I keep going I could be just as talented as them. I’ve known this to be true, but lack of work ethic my entire life has gotten in the way of things. The thing that keeps me going and further inquiring is the fact that I can be as well read as them. In the context of who I am that sounds amazing. I could not only do what I love but also be good at it. That’s the ground I wanna be on.

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One thought on “Keeping This Wet

  1. I very much find this to be a good move.

    My passion is translating and I always thought that I should only translate when I want to – to enjoy it, because I got depressed doing things on a schedule and seeing them all be shit. But the thing is, my translations weren’t shit only when I felt good (or was it that they were shit when I felt bad?). And now, ever since I made a point to always do something when I feel shit, I feel better. I hope I’ll start being better, but whatever, at least I don’t spend my time staring into a wall contemplating suicide.

    I also relate to (oh, look at me, I have similar opinions, too) “Changes in writing style always help me”. I always thought my writing is shit and I stopped writing fiction, because as much as I enjoyed it in the moment, re-reading made me feel awful. But just a few days ago, I tried writing my opinion out like it was a Monogatari series arc. And it was really fun. I did hit a wall and couldn’t finish it, but I got told that the jokes were fun and I nailed the characters. I knew it was still shit, but fuck it, now I know that I can do some good, so why not write more to feel fun?

    But then again, I only started (curiously enough) pretty much the same date as this article was released. And I already had awfully depressed days where I couldn’t get myself to do much. So is this just me comparing a relatively good month to the worst shit I ever felt? Whatever, this change of mindsets is good for everyone.

    Let’s hope it will work out well for everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

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