When I watch a show my mind imidately goes to “what angle can I analyze this from”. This thought lingers in my mind like unfinsihed buisness throughout the entire duration of my viewing. So much so that, at times, I will miss plot details and more subtle subtext. Ya’know things I could analyze in a video essay! I start becoming desperate for any idea to justify having watched this show. In that desperation, the entertainment the show is ment to provide is lost.
It wasn’t always this way. I’ve analyzed media long before this circle jerk known as “youtube” ever graced my eyelids. If you know you’d know I have an obsessive personality about the things I love. This was no different throughout even the earliest days of me watching TV. Back then, I knew the story and all the little details becuase I had an investment in it as entertainment.Becuase I was so invested I analyzed the show. But that investment in the work itself always came first.
Now with limited time and most of said time being dedicated to making a video I have to scrample to get new ideas for new shows I haven’t already thought about in the past. As I mentioned in one of my other blog posts titled “The Hardest Part” consuming shows takes the longest out of the procesd and I never know what I’m gonna get. It’s that uncertainity and the prospect of wasting time that makes even the choice of show a guessing game as to what I might be able to talk about. Writing and editing is always there with an absolute outcome in productivity beyond the broad sense of “this is making me more cultured”. Everything has to be a video now becuase I’ve becamed more invested in analysis itself than the media I’m analyzing..
This is the most dangerous and destructive force in my life as a youtube media analyst. If I had the the time to watch every show and fall into it’s pacing without the bug on my shoulder telling me “I don’t have enough ideas” then I’d be far more likely to create better analyses of individual work rather then broad concepts I always thing about.
The rewatch is really the place the analyst’s mindset should take place. BUT the prospect of rewatching something is time out of my life I could be watching something else. I can’t be wasting time. I’m gonna die someday. In an ideal world I could get it all right the first. Maybe this awareness I have of my extreme anxiety of time waste might somehow prevent in the future.
I just need more time or at least to allocate it better. This really is the hardest part.